Making your mark on the world

Mahatma Gandhi, while emptying his piggy bank said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." So I ask you, what is your motivation? What mark do you want to leave as you look back over your shoulder while shuffling off this mortal coil?

I don't know what is worse, aiming low and smashing head on into mediocrities bullseye, or aspiring to walk on the moon, and failing the NASA aptdatood test. Then getting disgruntled, and next thing, “There’s a sniper in the clock tower, run for your lives!” That is how it happens, it's only a small few steps from enjoying camping to get away from the crazy hustle bustle of the city, to brushing the bugs out of your beard while writing the final chapter of your manifesto in your log cabin.


If you do aim too high and actually have a successful moment in your life, you then face the dilemma of experiencing what I have dubbed "the Aldrin curve" named after astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon. The Aldrin curve is the point where you realise that from here on in it's all down hill and everything you will do from this point on will never surmount your yesterday. This is an opportune time to take up story telling and drinking, and not in that order. "Lend me a dollar and your ear and I'll tell you about a time when [hiccup] men were men and we travelled to the starsh."

Perhaps success will be measured in the future, not by actions, but by the number of followers you have on Twitter? “Oh my god, that’s @LazyGirl54, she has over a million followers!” Social media is the equivalent of standing up at the grand final at half time with a microphone and informing everyone, “I had toast for breakfast.” Advances in digital communication have taken us in leaps and bounds down gibberish lane.

Some seem content with a simple life, cave and a curtain, a place to exist, own the dream, buy a boat when your fifty-five, make a speech at your child’s twenty-first, have a hip replacement and die. Leaving drive and ambition in the will for the grandchildren. It was drilled into me when I was growing up that how are we raised is critical to the way we end up… What comes after indoctrasix and indoctraseven? Indoctrinate, that is correct, so don't tell your children they can achieve great things, that one day they could travel to another planet, or walk on the surface of Mars, tell them that one day they could own a large television and watch Arnold Schwarzenegger walk on Mars in the total movie Total Recall after they finish their night shift at the factory.

Don't say to them, "You can be whatever you want to be if you apply yourself." Instead tell them with the state of the world, when they grow up the Australian economy; will have more problems then an Icelandic Air traffic controller, the unemployment queue will be busier then a one-armed brick layer in Bagdad, and there chances of owning their own home will disappear quicker then a fart in a fan factory. Happiness is all about managing expectations.


Jonathan Nolan is an MX reader who wants to leave his mark on the world in ink, like a cheap blue pen leaking in the pocket of life’s new white business shirt.

I’m mild allergy Intolerant

“How are you?” I always answer good, great, fantastic, even if I am feeling a little under the weather, or last nights vindaloo has left me running to-the-loo. The response I hear all too often is, “I’m a little bloated from eating a piece of bread, I have a mild case of celiacs.” Now let me take a deep breath here, swallow down my delicious piece of sesame seed encrusted Vienna loaf, topped with peanut butter and crab dip and say that unless you have a pen that is filled with adrenaline on you at all times, even in the shower, then don’t tell me about it! The only qualifier for filling me in is if need to let me know and train me to use it on the off chance that a sesame seed falls onto your foot, potentially ending your life within two minutes, unless this is the case, get over yourself! If something disagrees with you, frustration fueled drum-roll …eat around it fatty, and don’t tell anyone.

These are all pathetic first world problems like “my car stereo won’t read a 16-gig USB stick, or “There are too many choices on the menu!” And then you have the third world problems such as "I fear for my life constantly and my brother was just abducted by the 'free democratic peoples party' while searching for clean water." Think about that for a minute next time your telling someone in detail about the rash on your inner arm every time you eat slightly unripe tomatoes.

I wonder if UNICEF and World Vision deal with a lot of cases of mild food allergies when they supply food to famine ravaged and starving war-torn areas. I am going to go out on a malnourished limb and say no. I am presuming the hierarchy of needs kicks in faster then you can cook a pack of two-minute noodles between meals.


The Fruitarians of the world are ruining my BBQ. No, I have not catered for people who only eat fruit that has fallen from the tree, and yes the Soysages were cooked in the BBQ fat of real animals, that is the only way they are anyway tolerable. Don’t forget it was the late great Kurt Cobain who told us “It’s ok to eat fish, cause they don’t have any feelings.” I do have a box of BBQ shapes, a tub of hommus, and a copy of the book, “10 steps to being annoying at social events,” if you would like to accompany me to the special people corner.

If people are going to insist on ruining my meal with detailed descriptions of their terribly feeble afflictions, perhaps that is the done thing. If that’s the case then allow me to get some payback... While you were eating your Christmas trifle, I hope you remembered that jelly is made from the hooves of horses, one of which may have been named black beauty just like the one you rode as a child that time on holidays. The turkey you carved up was named Denis. He preferred corn over grain and loved the morning sun. And finally the ham, let us stop and think of Babe – a pig in the city, trucked to the city then covered in apple sauce. Payback is a beach, and that is where I spent Christmas, eating a Black Beauty Trifle, Babe and applesauce roll, and a cranberry Denis without any minor allergic reactions.

Jonathan is an MX reader who does not tolerate your lack of tolerance